so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
