Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
