Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
