i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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