proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
