I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
