She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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