Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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