I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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