Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
