Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
