Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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