Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize