the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
