dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
