I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
