Betty ford says i'm here all night
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
