i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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