There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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