how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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