You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't deserve a penis
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
