She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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