Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
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Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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