i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
