last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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