Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
