she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
