Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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