Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Your penis caused this!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
