Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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