he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
