Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
