yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
