John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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