i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
