Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
