hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
my liver is dry heaving
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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