i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
