I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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