We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
