He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
