You're so nebulous sometimes
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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