I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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