I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wish there were birth control emojis
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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