He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
