matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Your dad touched me again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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