i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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