He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
