Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
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