i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
