Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
