i wish my penis had a tongue
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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