God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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