so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
