They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
