so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
