Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
