I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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