You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
