Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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