the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
