i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
