it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
