It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
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me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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