I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
