Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
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Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize