Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
