By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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