The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
