i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
