WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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