I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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