so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
