Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
