Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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