we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
