if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
